Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
