I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
