I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I can't put those talents on a resume
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
