Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
