I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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