If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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