im about as happy as oj after his trial
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
