just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
