Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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