I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
