frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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