"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
