this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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