Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
