How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
