my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
