i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
