Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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