drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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