I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
