i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
