We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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