I didn't shave. On purpose
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
