Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
its not stalking. its research.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
