do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
