I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
