The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
