Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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