I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
