Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
