I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
