: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
