I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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