help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
