Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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