i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Randomize
