Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
