After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
