i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i love accidental penises.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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