Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
