We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
