Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
