we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
