Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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