it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
