In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
