Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
