This dress was meant to end up on your floor
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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