the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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