I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
